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- gained weight
- talked excessively without making sense
- became emotional
- couldn't drive
- refused to apologize when wrong
- Holding the Universe together
- Tying up rolls of cables
- Fixing cables to the floor/roof/wall
Drama Uses
- Personal Restraint Uses
- A gag when we have an annoying director
- Tying people up (we tied someone to a scaffolding tower using two rolls of 2" gaffer. He was a bit stuck, and a bit cross, he's never spoken to us since)
- Tying people up (for sexual enjoyment, or is that the realm of safety chains)
Fixing Clothing
- Making LARPS weapons
- Repairing an underwired bra if the wite pokes out
- Fixing shoes with a hole in it
- Holding together motorcycle boots and leathers
- Preventing holes in Jeans and trousers, press a piece each side, and wash
- When my sister got married, the back of her dress kept falling to low axposing her tattoo, so I grabbed some (hm, I wonder what?) Gaff, and taped her dress to her back.
- Holding up a skirt if the elastic breaks
- Replacing a broken watch band
- Replacing a bow tie (looks OK from 8ft away)
- Covering Taps on Tap shoes when they are not needed
On the Person
- When I'm short of condoms
- Keeping my eyes open during a boring ballet show
- Making wallets
- Wrapping around the end of MagLites to make them easies to hold in the mouth
- Making folders
- A belt for jeans
- When a condom develops a spilt
- Waxing my legs (Flooring tape is better)
Make-up
- Taping sea-shells to the chests of actors
- Attaching wigs to heads (gullable actors)
- Holding on false ears
- Shaving during cues (rip it off!)
- Repairing false mustache
- Strapping down Carrie Fisher's chest in Star Wars (Alledgedly)
- Joan Collins uses it for the opposite
- Plugging the hole between guys and girls dressing rooms in aducational theatre
On the Stage
- Providing black rims to tables and sets etc.
- Writing on the floor
- For making reflectors for the infra-red receiver on a TV set. The actor was stationed at an acute angle to the receiver and the reflector bounced the signal right in!
- Taping actors to statues and wheeling them around the stage (don't ask)
- Taping Rubber Chickens to lighting pipes so that chickens hang on stage
- Making a fake ax blade
- Making a fake cactus. Paint it green end add fake prickers
- Making a fake watch when it's two minutes to curtain up and you forgot yours
- Making a blast shield for flash pot/pyrotechnic devices
- To muffle clumping noises of shoes on stage
- To fix props to shelves on a set that gets moved
- Marking stage center on the stage (usually ignored)
- Laying hardboard or lino floors
- Holding separate pieces of rostra together
- Reparing holes in blak curtains, put a piece on each side of the hole and press
Set Construction
- Someone once made an entire set out of gaffa
- Creative sculptures
- When we run out of Black or White gloss paint
- For use when you run out of nail end screws
- Holding a flight of stairs up before putting the screws in
- As masking tape
- Covering gaps between the set and legs
- Repairing the main curtain when it develops a rip
- Fixing holes in badly moulded statues
- Covering up cat s@*t stains on a backdrop
- Securing a clock to a muslin flat
- Outline the edge of a plywood table to prevent splinters
- Taping cutains to walls
- Covering dangerous cracks in the rostra
Over Stage
- Taping up the bar on a Genie Lift
- Preventing steel rope from fraying (stick some gaffa over where you are cutting the cable, and cut in the middle of the gaffa, and it won't fray).
Backstage
- Taping cable ties to upside down plastic cups to make little springy people (and then taping the cable ties to the desk) during 4 year breaks between Qs
- Taping flexible pieces of foam to sharp corners so actors don't injure themselves
- Wheel locks on flightcases etc.
- When subrenting gear, cover the logo on the roadcase with the appropiate color gaff tape and write your own company on it...
- Use white gaffa to mark the edges of steps during black-outs
- Use white gaffa to mark sightlines backstage
- Holding your script together
- Keeping animals quiet offstage
- Initiating new techies
- Making white shoes or socks black before the director notices
- Covering BRIGHT logos on clothes supposed to be black
Lighting Crew
- Using the empty roll to protect wall switches for house lights etc.
- Providing an protective cover on emergency stop buttons, so that lead singers don't cut out the power supply during drum solos
- Achieving greater tils on projectors
- To prevent fire exit lights ruin blackouts
- Fixing gels to lights wehen we have lost the gel frame
- Making tree patterns on a piece of glass, instead of gobos
- Replacement safety chain (twist it together and tie a knot)
- If the roll is used lying flat, the hole in the center is perfect for holding a can of pepsi/beer so I don't knock over the lighting desk
- To cover random lightbulbs on a string of Christmas lights that were being used as a cheap stardrop
- Labelling lights and sound desks
- Marking on the stage where lights are to be focussed
Sound Crew
- Suspending speakers bins fron exaust fans
- Making belts for radio mics
- Angleing monitor wedges
- When used on drums can help ringing
- In the production of a digereddoo (it can also hold a microphone in one)
- For repairing trumpet horns
- Taping radio mic beltpacks to the small of an actor/ress' back
- Holding your headset together
- Making eating apple sound effects (wrap it around the palm of your hands, predd your hands together and separate them).
- Fixing positions of microphone stands
- To play vinyl backward on Technics 1200's. Place roll of gaffa on turntable, place record lined up carefully on gaffa, turn stylus upside down and reweight tone arm, place needle on underside of record and listen to the hidden satanic messages.
Wardrobe
- Strapping intrusive genitals out of sight on some 'showgirls'
- Putting together costumes when there is not enough time for glue
- Handy on sci-fi costumes
- Making inside pockets on costumes that don't heve them
- Holding clothes together for those that can't sew
- Giving ballerinas toes more grip
- To provide shoes with traction
- Making a waterproof jacket
- Making backpacks
- Holding rods and other controls to puppets
Front of House
- Fixing up promotional signs (including a door covered in posters suspended over the side of a bridge)
- Stopping gentlemen using broken urinals in the toilets (as seen in the Victoria Apollo)
Home Usage
- White gaffa tape can be used for writing reminders that I should get out more and meet real people
- A chastity belt for wives/partners while on the road
- Patchning holes in swimming pool covers
- Holding up posters
- For making a football (by saving all the scraps of gaffa)
- Making sure my motherboard does not ground itself to my case
- Making an ashtray
- Tying the front legs of sheep together (If you're welsh)
- Making a CD-Rom drive holder (tape the CR-Rom to the floppy drive and save on drive rails)
- On the spines of books to repair the spines
- Making a pencil case (combined with a zipper)
- Covering remote control sensors that are set off by the wrong controller
- In the production of a bong
- Covering beercans - so it's not obvious what they are!
- Holding duff terminators on network cables
- Keeping my dining room table from falling over
- Storing food when you don't have any tupperware (Getting a bowl and a plate and taping them together)
In the tool shed
- Wrap around tool handles to provide better grip
- Holding together nuts and bolts that go together for during storage
Decoration
- Using gaffa on a door instead of a name plate
- Taping plastic sheet around windows to act as double glazing
- Building a 'dust tent' to confine dust to one area of a room
- Taping doors and windows closed to prevent draughts
- Blocking out gaps of light in a dark room
Pest Control
- A trap for ants (like fly paper)
- Use gaffa tape on curtain cords etc. to stop cats chewing them
Travelling
- Constructing a make-shift solar array to provide power to an ailing spacing (at space camp)
- Back up cycle clips
- Repairing backpacks when heavy strain from books causes them to disintegrate
- Tying objects to a roof-rack
- Fixing a video camera to a sail plane
- Making funky stripes on the brake light of our car
Car Repairs
- Holding the brake fluid line in place on a kombi after hitting a kangaroo
- Repairing holes in my car roof (it works)
- Repairing holes in exhausts (this works quite well if you can clean the exhaust)
- Fixing a car accelerator (gas pedal), use it with roofing nails. Just the job.
- Setting the spark plug gap
- Repairing the break light on a motorcycle
- Holding on Licence/Number plate to my car (lasting about a year)
- Clutch Alignment tool (with a spanner & 3 foot of scaf pipe)
Dangerous Uses
- Covering asbestos covered pipes (don't tell anyone they're there)
- Insulation tape on bare wires
- Holding the walls in our theatre together
- Rewiring live orchestra pit lights during act one
- Fixing the Genie when the control box fell off
- Keeping plugs together when you have lost the screw
- Sticking things to the floor (esp. Dance shows)
- Holding together a scaffolding tower with CID followspot on top, plus the operator and cue reader
Medical Uses
- For replacing plasters (and stiches) when I cut my finger
- For holding dislocated fingers in place during a performance (before you can get to the Hospital)
- Taping an actor's ankle after he broke it leaping into the wings at the end of act II. Fortunately it was the closing night.
- If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
- Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
- Don't cut your hair. Ever.
- Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the Perfect present, again!
- If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
- Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
- Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
- Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
- Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
- Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
- Shopping is not sport.
- Anything you wear is fine. Really.
- You have enough clothes.
- You have too many shoes.
- Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
- Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.
- Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
- No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will mark anniversaries on a calendar.
- Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
- Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
- Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
- Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.
- Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
- Check your oil.
- Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
- Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
- It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
- Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
- If you don't dress like the Melrose girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
- Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
- Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
- You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
- Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
- Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
- Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
- The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
- Anyone can buy condoms.
- Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
- Close your eyes and press escape three times.
- Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
- This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
- Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
- To "shut down" the system, type WIN.
- BREAKFAST.SYS halted...Cereal port not responding.
- CONGRESS.SYS corrupted...Re-boot Washington D.C.? (Y/N)
- File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
- Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
- Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
- Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
- User Error: replace user.
- Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
- If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations. Doesn't it feel nice to have security?
- Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
- Zodra je er één hebt, duikt er altijd een betere op!
- Niemand anders dan de maker verstaat er de interne logica van.
- Het kleinste foutje wordt opgeslagen in het geheugen en wordt later tegen je gebruikt.
- De gebruikte taal om te communiceren met soortgenoten is onbegrijpbaar voor anderen.
- De boodschap "Bad Command or File Name" is even informatief als "Indien je niet weet waarom ik kwaad ben op jou, dan ga ik het je zeker niet vertellen".
- Zodra je je hecht aan één, merk je dat je half je loon spendeert aan de bijbehorende accessoires.